this could get interesting......

MAV

Registered User
Nov 23, 2005
10,578
1
368
Denver, CO
#1
State Senator Ernie Chambers Sues God
Chambers says its to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.



OMAHA, Neb -- State Senator Ernie Chambers is suing God. He says it to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits.

Chambers says senators periodically have offered bills prohibiting the filing of certain types of suits. He says his main objection is the constitution requires that the doors to the courthouse be open to all. Chambers said, "Thus anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody - even God."

Chambers said he decided to file this lawsuit after a suit was filed in early September in federal court against Lancaster County Judge Jeffre Cheuvront. He's the judge who was hearing a sexual assault case, where the woman wants to use the words "**** and victim" during her testimony.

Chambers lawsuit, which was filed on Friday in Douglas County Court, seeks a permanent injunction ordering God to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.

The lawsuit admits God goes by all sorts of alias, names, titles and designations and it also recognizes the fact that the defendant is “Omnipresent”.

In the lawsuit Chambers says he’s tried to contact God numerous times, “Plaintiff, despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service upon Defendant (“Come out, come out, wherever you are”) has been unable to do so.”

The suit also requests that the court given the “peculiar circumstances” of this case waive personal service. It says being Omniscient, the plaintiff assumes God will have actual knowledge of the action.

The lawsuit accuses God “of making and continuing to make terroristic threats of grave harm to innumerable persons, including constituents of Plaintiff who Plaintiff has the duty to represent.”

It says God has caused, “fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes, pestilential plagues, ferocious famines, devastating droughts, genocidal wars, birth defects, and the like.”

The suit also says God has caused, “calamitous catastrophes resulting in the wide-spread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants including innocent babes, infants, children, the aged and infirm without mercy or distinction.”

Chambers also says God “has manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that Defendant “will laugh” when calamity comes.

Chambers asks for the court to grant him a summary judgement. He says as an alternative, he wants the judge to set a date for a hearing as “expeditiously” as possible and enter a permanent injunction enjoining God from engaging in the types of deleterious actions and the making of terroristic threats described in the lawsuit.

cue the lightning bolts.....
 

martianvirus

READY THE ANALPROBES!!!!!!!!
Nov 20, 2005
19,062
134
268
Las Vegas, NV
#3
He is a ******! How the fuck does a ****** get elected in Nebraska?"whaa"
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,465
50,259
644
#6
Did anybody bother to read this paragraph?
Chambers said he decided to file this lawsuit after a suit was filed in early September in federal court against Lancaster County Judge Jeffre Cheuvront. He's the judge who was hearing a sexual assault case, where the woman wants to use the words "**** and victim" during her testimony.
Does anyone know about this story?
 
Nov 29, 2006
3,452
374
523
FL
#8
Why not make it a class action lawsuit? Let's all get in on the action.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,465
50,259
644
#9
Thanks martian, I got it.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070908/ap_on_re_us/censored_trial&printer=1

Sat Sep 8, 3:11 PM ET

The accuser in a sexual assault case is suing a judge because he barred the word "****" and other words from the trial.

The federal court complaint filed Thursday claims Lancaster County District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront violated the accuser's First Amendment right to free speech by barring her from saying words including "****," "victim" and "assailant" during the trial of Pamir Safi.

Safi, 34, was charged with first-degree sexual assault stemming from an encounter between him and Tory Bowen, 24, at his apartment the morning of Oct. 31, 2004.

Safi said he and Bowen, who met at a bar the night before, had consensual sex.

Bowen says she was too intoxicated to give consent.

In restricting language, Cheuvront said he was concerned that Safi's constitutional right to a fair trial might be jeopardized if witnesses were permitted to use the banned words in their testimony.

The language restrictions, which also barred the use of the words "sexual assault," were in effect for Safi's first trial, in November.

Bowen testified then for nearly 13 hours, and said the ban had a marked effect because she had to pause and make sure her words wouldn't violate the ban.

Cheuvront declared a mistrial after the jury deadlocked 7-5. He declared a second mistrial in July during jury selection, citing news coverage and public protests on behalf of Bowen.

Lancaster County prosecutors have said they plan to seek a third trial.

The Associated Press usually does not identify accusers in sex-assault cases, but Bowen has allowed her name to be used publicly because of the issue over the judge's language restrictions.
Honestly, I like the idea of suing that sadistic prick God. But to use it to make a point against the above story? That's actually something that concerns me.
 

Xyn

3 letters, 0 meaning
Mar 3, 2005
3,753
2
0
California
#14
Johnnie Cochran died of cancer.

God needed a lawyer.
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#15
The individual who wrote this article is a moron and shouldn't claim to be a journalist.

I'm doubting the authenticity of this simply based on the punctuation. Any trained journalist knows how to correctly quote and structure their article and this example is a pile of dog shit.

You may want to check AP to see if it has made the wires because this may be some shit from The Onion or a blog. Or it could have just been written by an idiot.
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#16

martianvirus

READY THE ANALPROBES!!!!!!!!
Nov 20, 2005
19,062
134
268
Las Vegas, NV
#17
I use to work for the local paper, AP stories had errors in it all the time. There wasn't a day that went by without someone having to correct them. Just saying, they are not always right.
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#18
I use to work for the local paper, AP stories had errors in it all the time. There wasn't a day that went by without someone having to correct them. Just saying, they are not always right.
Oh yeah I have seen plenty of AP errors, but I don't think I've seen that many instances like what was in that original story from the local paper.
 

Aizazzle

I always have a plan
Jul 27, 2006
5,000
1
178
Philly
#22
LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — God has apparently responded to a lawsuit filed by a Nebraska lawmaker, and one of the filings seems to have dropped in from the heavens. "This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here — poof!" said John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha.

The response was one of at least two to a lawsuit filed against God last week by state Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha, the state's longest-serving lawmaker.

Signed by "God," the response filed Wednesday argues the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction over God.

Blaming the Almighty for human oppression and suffering misses an important point, it says.

"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.

St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

Another response — also signed God — says the Lord disputes Chambers' allegations.

That filing lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.

Chambers could not be reached Thursday to comment on the response. He said in his five-page lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against him and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

He's seeking a permanent injunction against God.

The self-proclaimed agnostic who often criticizes Christians said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit against a judge, filed by a woman who was barred from saying "****," "victim" and other words in court.

Chambers said the woman's lawsuit is inappropriate because the Nebraska Supreme Court has already considered the case and federal courts follow the decisions of state supreme courts on state matters.

Chambers said his lawsuit is serious but also makes a point: Anybody can sue anybody


http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jqCsP7OChy5Q8AFcTeiB58cfy6Uw

Apparently God doesn't take too kindly to being sued.