To (All) the Colleges That Rejected Me

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
#1
To (All) the Colleges That Rejected Me
If only I had a tiger mom or started a fake charity.


By SUZY LEE WEISS

Like me, millions of high-school seniors with sour grapes are asking themselves this week how they failed to get into the colleges of their dreams. It's simple: For years, they—we—were lied to.

Colleges tell you, "Just be yourself." That is great advice, as long as yourself has nine extracurriculars, six leadership positions, three varsity sports, killer SAT scores and two moms. Then by all means, be yourself! If you work at a local pizza shop and are the slowest person on the cross-country team, consider taking your business elsewhere.

What could I have done differently over the past years?

For starters, had I known two years ago what I know now, I would have gladly worn a headdress to school. Show me to any closet, and I would've happily come out of it. "Diversity!" I offer about as much diversity as a saltine cracker. If it were up to me, I would've been any of the diversities: Navajo, Pacific Islander, anything. Sen. Elizabeth Warren, I salute you and your 1/32 Cherokee heritage.
Related Video

Suzy Lee Weiss, a senior at Taylor Allderdice High School, on how colleges lie to prospective students. Photo: Associated Press

I also probably should have started a fake charity. Providing veterinary services for homeless people's pets. Collecting donations for the underprivileged chimpanzees of the Congo. Raising awareness for Chapped-Lips-in-the-Winter Syndrome. Fun-runs, dance-a-thons, bake sales—as long as you're using someone else's misfortunes to try to propel yourself into the Ivy League, you're golden.

Having a tiger mom helps, too. As the youngest of four daughters, I noticed long ago that my parents gave up on parenting me. It has been great in certain ways: Instead of "Be home by 11," it's "Don't wake us up when you come through the door, we're trying to sleep." But my parents also left me with a dearth of hobbies that make admissions committees salivate. I've never sat down at a piano, never plucked a violin. Karate lasted about a week and the swim team didn't last past the first lap. Why couldn't Amy Chua have adopted me as one of her cubs?

Then there was summer camp. I should've done what I knew was best—go to Africa, scoop up some suffering child, take a few pictures, and write my essays about how spending that afternoon with Kinto changed my life. Because everyone knows that if you don't have anything difficult going on in your own life, you should just hop on a plane so you're able to talk about what other people have to deal with.

Or at least hop to an internship. Get a precocious-sounding title to put on your resume. "Assistant Director of Mail Services." "Chairwoman of Coffee Logistics." I could have been a gopher in the office of someone I was related to. Work experience!

To those kids who by age 14 got their doctorate, cured a disease, or discovered a guilt-free brownie recipe: My parents make me watch your "60 Minutes" segments, and they've clipped your newspaper articles for me to read before bed. You make us mere mortals look bad. (Also, I am desperately jealous and willing to pay a lot to learn your secrets.)

To those claiming that I am bitter—you bet I am! An underachieving selfish teenager making excuses for her own failures? That too! To those of you disgusted by this, shocked that I take for granted the wonderful gifts I have been afforded, I say shhhh—"The Real Housewives" is on.

Ms. Weiss is a senior at Taylor Allderdice High School in Pittsburgh.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB100...8390340064578654.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read

This is all over the news shows this morning.
 

Falldog

Wackbag's Best Conservative
Donator
#2
I'm confused. This is news that colleges look for students with strong academic and personal backgrounds?

All I see is a privileged white girl who didn't do anything of note and is not upset she didn't get into the universities of her choice.
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
#5
I'd love to give her a chance to reject me.
 

fletcher

Darkness always says hello.
Donator
#6
That should have been the essay attached to her applications.
 

VicVinegar

Registered User
#8
Some people go to Ivy League schools and some go to community college. Accept your fate. She must have lived under a rock of she didn't realize how this would end.

Maybe she can go to Booze U. now where they take anyone who can pay, where she'll be the "brick" of a mediocre fraternity.
 
#9
Just go to the school that accepts you and work hard. It doesn't matter where you go.
 

crippledalbino

The God of 42nd Street
Donator
#10
Dear little girl;

No one cares.

Sincerely,
All the Colleges that rejected you
 
#11
In five years this bitch will be complaining about her student loan debt and demanding a bailout and a six figure salary for her women's studies degree from a state school.
 

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
#12
Apparently no one realizes she's making a mockery of the selection process. As just a Plane Jane white middle-class girl she didn't get offered all the bullshit undeserved opportunities that minorities and kids with Helicopter Parents get. BECAUSE DIVERSITY!
 

Norm Stansfield

私は亀が好きだ。
#14
I don't get her point. Is it that everybody should go to Harvard?
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
Donator
#15
So she's admitting that she did nothing above and beyond to get into her dream college, and complaining they didn't accept her anyway?

Would it still be her dream school if they let everyone with a 2.5 GPA and a 900 SAT score in?
 

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
#17
So she's admitting that she did nothing above and beyond to get into her dream college, and complaining they didn't accept her anyway?

Would it still be her dream school if they let everyone with a 2.5 GPA and a 900 SAT score in?
I think she's in reality accepting her fate that she didn't do anything above and beyond to get into an Ivy League school, I doubt her parents (or her) could afford it anyway. She even labels herself a "An underachieving selfish teenager making excuses for her own failures." Calling out the colleges who just accept "diverse" students who do controversial things like possess a lot of melanin, announce their gayness, or demand to wear religious headdresses in school is a great observation.
 

Jacuzzi Billy

Watching PTI
Donator
#18
I don't recall colleges lying to me for years and telling me to be myself. They told me to have a good act score, high gpa, extracurriculars. Maybe she should be upset at her guidance counselor for misleading her.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
Donator
#19
I think she's in reality accepting her fate that she didn't do anything above and beyond to get into an Ivy League school, I doubt her parents (or her) could afford it anyway. She even labels herself a "An underachieving selfish teenager making excuses for her own failures." Calling out the colleges who just accept "diverse" students who do controversial things like possess a lot of melanin, announce their gayness, or demand to wear religious headdresses in school is a great observation.
Yeah that part I agree with... no college should consider something you have no control over (race, sex, etc).
 

Norm Stansfield

私は亀が好きだ。
#20
I think she's in reality accepting her fate that she didn't do anything above and beyond to get into an Ivy League school, I doubt her parents (or her) could afford it anyway. She even labels herself a "An underachieving selfish teenager making excuses for her own failures." Calling out the colleges who just accept "diverse" students who do controversial things like possess a lot of melanin, announce their gayness, or demand to wear religious headdresses in school is a great observation.
It's an observation I've seen made several hundred times, on wackbag alone. Just because it's true doesn't mean it's "great". Especially if it takes y0u ten paragraphs to make it.
 

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
#22
It's an observation I've seen made several hundred times, on wackbag alone. Just because it's true doesn't mean it's "great". Especially if it takes y0u ten paragraphs to make it.
Are you a 17 year old high school senior? Believe me, I've seen some of the tripe that high school kids write, and I'd say she's ahead of the curve in her maturity and writing ability. Writing on Wackbag is one thing, but have you been published by the Wall Street Journal?
 

Falldog

Wackbag's Best Conservative
Donator
#23
Are you a 17 year old high school senior? Believe me, I've seen some of the tripe that high school kids write, and I'd say she's ahead of the curve in her maturity and writing ability. Writing on Wackbag is one thing, but have you been published by the Wall Street Journal?
Just because it was published in WSJ doesn't make it great either. You did a better job with her point in three sentences than she did with an entire article.

Though I look forward to her follow up in five years, To (All) the Companies That Rejected Me.
 

Party Rooster

Unleash The Beast
#24
Just because it was published in WSJ doesn't make it great either. You did a better job with her point in three sentences than she did with an entire article.

Though I look forward to her follow up in five years, To (All) the Companies That Rejected Me.
And I've only been published in a couple "City Life" type free weekly rags. :(
 

Jacuzzi Billy

Watching PTI
Donator
#25
I'm often published on the prestigious site called wackbag.com. Not as much as Liddy but still a decent amount.
 
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