Today I Learned – Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraud

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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Today I Learned – Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraud

Hit-Or-Miss
June 14, 2013 // 7:00 am // By: Charisma Madarang



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My whole life has just been shattered into a pile of stale cereal crumbs.

Seriously, guys. Your design team had one job. You couldn’t have at least gotten the old man’s uniform right?

Now, adults and children alike are lamenting the fact that the cheery Santa Claus in a blue Napoleon hat is really just a big, fat LIAR. Yes, my fellow Foodbeasts, the “Cap’n” is really just a “Commander” in disguise.

If you haven’t already, peep the photo above, and note the disparity between the stripes of a captain and those of a commander. Now check out the stripes on Cap’n Crunch’s wrists. One. Two. Three . . . Ugh.

Next you’re going to tell me that Tony the Tiger is really a cranky bald man in a cat suit, or something equally horrifying.

My only solace is that he goes by “Cap’n” Crunch instead of ”Captain.” Still, I’m a little heartbroken over here.


P.S
It’s most likely that the Cap’n only has three stripes because he’s a French “Capitaine de frégate” and they technically only have three yellow stripes. Although, that still translates to “Commander” in English . . . and doesn’t explain why he doesn’t speak a lick of le français.
PicThx imgur
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/foodbeast/today-i-learned-capn-crun_b_3453641.html
 

Neon

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Who said he was an American captain? I've never seen that uniform. The Israeli army doesn't have sleeve stripe ranks like that, but a captain has 3 bars on his shoulders in the IDF.

 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
Apr 22, 2002
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#4
How much you wanna bet he has four stripes in the next printing?
 

Mags

LDAR, bitch.
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Oct 22, 2004
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#6
Idiots, why does he have to be a modern Cap'n??

Look at his hat; he's a Cap'n of olde.
 

VMS

Victim of high standards and low personal skills.
Apr 26, 2006
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#7
There are plenty of ship's captains (the job and title, not the rank) who are commanders in rank.

The writer of the article is a tard.
 

Mags

LDAR, bitch.
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#8
Commander Crunch doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
 

NuttyJim

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Feb 18, 2006
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#15
He got summarily demoted due to multiple EEO complaints.
 

NuttyJim

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#16
Lucky isn't a real Leprechaun. He's just drunk.