Unplanned Sexual Event

Smokezilla

U. S. Backstroke Roulette Champion
Jul 30, 2005
6,275
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#1
Organized religion in this country scares the B-Jebus outta me::icon_eek:

http://baptistsforbrown2008.wordpress.com/use-updates/

Sam Brownback - “**** is terrible. **** is awful. Is it made any better by killing an innocent child? Does it solve the problem for the woman that’s been *****?” No!
Sam Brownback - “We need to protect innocent life. Period.” Amen! And at any cost.
Sam Brownback is the inspiration for this grassroots campaign called, “Cry USE not ****”. We have concluded that the acronym U.S.E. (Unplanned Sexual Event), when used regularly to replace the word “****”, will remove the stigma associated with this sometimes unpleasant situation. It is our mission to protect the innocent lives of the babies that are part of His plan and eliminate the excuses given by many women when a precious baby just isn’t convienient.
Frank Bryant and his lovely wife Lynelle have graciously agreed to Chair the USE committee at our church. Frank is a 10 year Deacon of the church and owns a chain of Christian bookstores located in the South Eastern USA. Lynelle, my life long sister in Christ, stays busy raising their five boys and is the Owner/Operator of a Christian Day Spa in our community. Both Frank and Lynelle have been very active in the Pro-Life movement on a regional level and bring much experience to the USE outreach ministry.
In July we will be hosting our very first Freedom Toast Breakfast to officially launch the U.S.E. Campaign. We are pleased to announce that so far there are 46 other Baptist churches in the Southeast committed to hosting a similar event. Our goal is to have a Freedom Toast Breakfast with Sam Brownback as our guest of Honor and over 1,000 congregations supporting this effort by years end. So far Sam brownback hasn’t made an appearance at one of our breakfasts but we are hoping. We will keep you posted as progress is made. Your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated.
 

MrAbovePar

En Taro Anthony
Mar 14, 2005
13,779
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Covington. La
#3
Give them credit for following through the logical extension of their beliefs.
 

THE FEZ MAN

as a matter of fact i dont have 5$
Aug 23, 2002
42,657
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#6
the religious right will be the downfall of this country as we know it.
 
Feb 4, 2005
1,106
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#7
I thought it was called "Surprise Sex"
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
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#8
We have concluded that the acronym U.S.E. (Unplanned Sexual Event), when used regularly to replace the word “****”, will remove the stigma associated with this sometimes unpleasant situation.
... this one sentence might be the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard. The clause after the comma is fucking retarded. The "sometimes unpleasant situation" of ****. The "most people end up liking it but some whiney sissies have to complain about everything" of ****.

Some things will never be as crazy as real life. You could not satire this in a better way than it is in real life.
 

jackjack

Registered User
May 12, 2007
4,994
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#9
I hope they all have an unplanned life ending event.

But not before spending some time in the basement of the pulp fiction pawn shop getting 'used'.
 

weakside

He was stupid. I was lucky. I will visit him soon.
Dec 9, 2004
3,871
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#10
... this one sentence might be the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard. The clause after the comma is fucking retarded. The "sometimes unpleasant situation" of ****. The "most people end up liking it but some whiney sissies have to complain about everything" of ****.

Some things will never be as crazy as real life. You could not satire this in a better way than it is in real life.
I agree. This entire premise might be the most disgusting thing I have ever read.

Believing in "God" or some other "force" is fine, but if you follow any religion you are out of your mind. Religion really hates women.
 

Smokezilla

U. S. Backstroke Roulette Champion
Jul 30, 2005
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#11
LOL I knew that somebody would end-up using that picture as a sig. . . Nice job, LiddyRules!!!:clap:
 

weakside

He was stupid. I was lucky. I will visit him soon.
Dec 9, 2004
3,871
0
0
California
#12
"III. Repent for having non-spousal relations."

Wow. I can't even find the words to describe the idiocy of that sentence.
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,389
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I Will Pay Snakes To Bite You
#13
Bat-shit crazy. Period, end of discussion.


Except for the freedom toast part. Freedom toast sounds delicious.

As long as they don’t try to sneak any jesus on my freedom toast.

Sneaky bat-shit Christians.
 

thelord68

There's always time for lubricant
Feb 24, 2003
1,277
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Palm Beach Gardens, FL
#14
Why don't they change the meaning? Since they want to change the meaning of the word 'use', how about the following:

Religious
Assholes
Propagating
Excrement
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#15
So, being R@PED is all God's plan for women all around the world? It's His plan in order to continue the species. Thanks for explaining that to me Baptists because for some silly reason I was just thinking that people who r@ped women were abusive, sexually rejected by women, and useless humans. But now I know that r@pists are simply disciples of God by spreading his love.

Baptists have to be the dumbest fucking people on Earth. I'm so glad that my parents aren't rednecks that made me grow up in a Baptist church full of the simpletons and Nascar fans of the South.

At least Episcopalians have some fucking sense and can make up their own minds about things and use LOGIC in conjuction with their religion. For the most part we believe a mix of evolution alongside the Bible because we are smart enough to recognize science.
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,389
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I Will Pay Snakes To Bite You
#16
At least Episcopalians have some fucking sense and can make up their own minds about things and use LOGIC in conjuction with their religion. For the most part we believe a mix of evolution alongside the Bible because we are smart enough to recognize science.
Slightly less bat-shit crazy. :action-sm

Do you guys have freedom toast too?

I seriously want some of this freedom toast but I’m to scared you’ll spread some jesus on it when I’m not looking.
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
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Arkansas
#17
For some reason I get the feeling that Wackbag types have already commented on that Christian web site where the article is posted. Here are the two first comments alone.

295 Responses to “U.S.E.”
Mrs. Billy Ray "Suzzanna Beth" Simpkins Says:

June 18th, 2007 at 3:23 pm

Frank Lee, I done know how some of these harlots can claim with a strate face that ANY sexual activitiy was UNPLANNED when you look under their too-short skirts and find that they have shaved and carefully groomed there lady areas!

If you ask me and Jesus, those tramps are UP FOR ANYTHING! EVEN BLACK MEN!

Kristine Says:

June 18th, 2007 at 8:55 pm

I propose that Senator Brownback introduce a bill to Congress stating that all menstrual blood be considered evidence of preemptive murder f a fetus. Only lactating women would be immune from prosecution.I propose that Senator Brownback introduce a bill to Congress stating that all menstrual blood be considered evidence of preemptive murder of a fetus. Only lactating women would be immune from prosecution under the new law.

In addition, feminine “filth” products (ie, maxi pads and tampons, but especially tampons because nothing should enter a woman except any man who wants to) would be removed from the stores, and anyone caught selling or distributing them would be arrested as an accomplice to the preemptive murder of a fetus.

Also, women would be required under law to register their uteruses with the government, and a distribution program would be established to ensure that no uterus goes without a fetus when a willing and able man is available to fulfill his patriotic and religious duty of impregnation.

Any “****” that results in impregnation would be considered a citizen’s arrest of a woman who was shirking her childbearing responsibilities, and would be rewarded with the Purple Medal of Sperm.
 

Plunkies

Registered User
Jun 28, 2006
6,031
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#19
"Repent for having non-spousal relations."
Yeah you fuckin whore!

Give them credit for following through the logical extension of their beliefs.
I've always had the same view. It's ironic that the radical fundies are more logical than the cherry pickers.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,438
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#20
I've always had the same view. It's ironic that the radical fundies are more logical than the cherry pickers.
Cherry Pickers of course being the heroes of the USE Movement
 

Plunkies

Registered User
Jun 28, 2006
6,031
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#21
Cherry Pickers of course being the heroes of the USE Movement
Is it really a movement? If so it's something I could really get behind. Meh meh.


Yes, I did indeed just ride the coattails of your brilliant line with a Pat from Moonachie joke. Suck it.

Btw the comments are monitored now. I suppose the post "Raaaamone, Sam Brownback should be USEd in the ass! Raaaaaamone, show him the real meaning of "Brownback!" won't make it through now. My post still somehow made it. Maybe they missed the point...

"The word of god says all women should be required to spread their legs and accept the seed of men whenever a man feels the urge to do so. Millions of babies are killed every day and their lives are being taken by women who won't do their part. They think their slight discomfort far outweighs their god's gift to them of being the receptacle of every potential child. Their selfishness is an affront to our lord."
 

jsc315

AnalCunt
Dec 8, 2004
2,022
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313
Evergreen Park,IL
#22
Is this somehow going to make people feel better? i mean for fucks sake! Changing the wording isnt going to make a situation better at all. Its been through out history that we have changed wording about situating just to try to make people think its ok? How is fuckin **** ok?

Heres a good example. Back in the days of world war I&II there was this thing called Combat stress reaction:a term used to categorize the long-term results of stress in war conditions. This was quickly changed to shell shock trying to make it not sound at bad but still the same exact thing. then about 15-20 years ago it was changed again to post-traumatic stress disorder. This doesn't sound that bad now does it? Oh wait, its the same damn thing for the same shitty problem. Then just recently maybe about 10 years ago or so they changed it yet again to acute stress disorder. we have gone from something that describes exactly what was wrong with someone "Combat stress reaction" to this "acute stress disorder." its all of a sudden a disorder? How is it that this shitty situation a disorder? Sorry for the rant but people like that just piss me off to no end.
 

SatansCheerledr

Ideologically Unsound
Apr 6, 2005
15,389
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I Will Pay Snakes To Bite You
#23
Is this somehow going to make people feel better? i mean for fucks sake! Changing the wording isnt going to make a situation better at all. Its been through out history that we have changed wording about situating just to try to make people think its ok? How is fuckin **** ok?

Heres a good example. Back in the days of world war I&II there was this thing called Combat stress reaction:a term used to categorize the long-term results of stress in war conditions. This was quickly changed to shell shock trying to make it not sound at bad but still the same exact thing. then about 15-20 years ago it was changed again to post-traumatic stress disorder. This doesn't sound that bad now does it? Oh wait, its the same damn thing for the same shitty problem. Then just recently maybe about 10 years ago or so they changed it yet again to acute stress disorder. we have gone from something that describes exactly what was wrong with someone "Combat stress reaction" to this "acute stress disorder." its all of a sudden a disorder? How is it that this shitty situation a disorder? Sorry for the rant but people like that just piss me off to no end.
DSM-IV-R, PTSD.
 
Jul 13, 2006
12,836
1
0
Arkansas
#24
My nose is burning from getting soap into it form the shower. I guess it's OK though because in the end it's His plan for my life.

He already planned for me to have a burning nose so I could learn something from life, kind of like those naughty girls being USE'd.
 

LiddyRules

I'm Gonna Be The Bestest Pilot In The Whole Galaxy
Jun 1, 2005
142,438
50,248
644
#25
Btw the comments are monitored now.
They didn't remove my comment about Mary being USEd by God (Liderick is my "professional" commenting name) and some guy responded that Mary was not USED and it linked to his myspace.

Does anyone think someone is trying to protest too much about something or if he's just really funny. I can't figure it out. http://www.myspace.com/davisccii