Movie X-Men: Dark Phoenix June 7, 2019

crippledalbino

The God of 42nd Street
Donator
I hope they swerve and call this the "X-MenThatsRightIsaidItMenLikeManlyMenTakingAStandSoFinallyAManDoesn'tNeedToHaveHisDelicateFeelingsHurtMen."
 

Pigdango

Silence, you mortal Fuck!
Donator
I actually think she’s right about the name being outdated. Is it a big deal? No. But could they come up with something else? Why not? X-Force? X-Factor? X-Corps?
 

Stormrider666

Hell is home.
Donator
@Pigdango @LiddyRules

I read this article a couple of weeks ago, but at the time didn't feel like posting it. But since you guys are having a similar conversation:

Can Marvel Recover From The Damage Done By 'Avengers: Endgame'?

While there is no official announcement, and there probably won’t be one until this year’s San Diego Comic-Con, pictures have popped up online from Norway that seems to indicate that production has begun on Scarlett Johansson’s solo Black Widow movie. It is presumed (but not remotely confirmed) that the Cate Shortland-directed prequel (rumored to be taking place between Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Infinity War) will be the big MCU summer kick-off film for next year.


As an endpoint to the so-called “Infinity Saga,” Avengers: Endgame mostly works. It offers a relative conclusion to the cliffhanger of Infinity War, explicitly and entirely eliminates the threat posed by Thanos and offers very real exit points and/or narrative conclusions for the likes of Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), Captain America (Chris Evans) and Thor (Chris Hemsworth). If this were the end of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it would work as a fitting finale.


Not unlike the Lost series finale (which has aged well), it emphasizes satisfying character pay-offs over tight-as-a-drum storytelling. That’s the right choice for a franchise that is popular specifically due to its characters. But, because everyone likes money (that’s why they call it money), the Marvel Cinematic Universe will continue for Walt Disney after the events of Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame. That may be a challenge due to one very specific narrative choice.





If you’ve seen the movie, you know that when our surviving heroes get their hands on the infinity stones and Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) snaps his fingers, those folks killed by Thanos (Josh Brolin) don’t come back to life at the moment of their initial demise. No, they come back in the present tense, into a world that has known them to be dead for the last five years.


If the overall arcs of the MCU is partially about throwing yourself on the grenade or “trading lives” for the greater good, well, Stark’s insistence that the dead folks not be put back in their proper point in the timeline has any number of catastrophic results.


Anyone could write thousands of words about the consequences of undoing Thanos’ snap without really “undoing” it. What if you remarried in the last five years? What if you sold your house, collected life insurance or bought a dead guy’s business? What if you were pregnant when you got “raptured?” What about the countless people who died of unnatural causes right after the “snap” (plane crashes, suicide, car accidents, hospitals failing) but didn’t explicitly die from the snap? What about the governmental organizations (democratic or otherwise) that had changeovers of power in the last five years?
 

Stormrider666

Hell is home.
Donator
I'm breaking it down in two posts:

There are just as many “What happens if XYZ?” questions with Endgame’s solution as there are with any Purge movie. David Chen put together the above comprehensive video on the subject, and the failure for the movie to even acknowledge these issues is a symptom of a season finale/series finale that never leaves the POV of our main heroic characters.


How will society function now that the Avengers failed to save the universe once and then took action to right that wrong in a way that arguably wrecks the universe again? How will society function with the knowledge that something like this could happen again, at any time, with no warning? Consider the emotional wreckage played out on NBC’s Manifest, which concerns a few dozen plane passengers who vanish for five years. Now imagine the universe dealing with that.


Yes, this is a comic book superhero franchise aimed at kids and young adults That said, the MCU, starting with Iron Man and its “War on Terror” topicality, has always at least tried to ground their fantasy in some semblance of the real world, which arguably makes instances of “comic book plotting” (like when Tony creates a robot that nearly kills the world and then everyone shakes hands at the end) stick out even more.


Even if we only focus on the main characters of the MCU, the aftershocks of Tony’s selfish decision can’t help but reverberate. Without knowing for sure which franchises are getting sequels, the time jump rocks the narrative to its core. The theoretical likes of Ant-Man 3, Black Panther 2 and Doctor Strange 2 can’t help but be darker, grimmer and less self-contained as a result of Endgame.


The Ant-Man franchise has gone from a happy-go-lucky adventure about an unconventional family and Scott Lang’s attempts to be the best father he can to young Cassie Lang (Abby Ryder Fortson) to a genuinely grim and emotionally traumatic story about a father returning to his home after five years stuck in the “Quantum Realm” only to find his kid has aged into a (presumably traumatized) teen (Emma Fuhrmann). We don’t know whether Scott’s ex-wife (Judy Greer) and her new husband (Bobby Cannavale) got initially snapped, so Cassie has either been missing her dad or missing her entire family for the last five years.


Since the Paul Rudd movies are super-focused on close-knit family dynamics, the specifics with how the Snap is reversed has single-handedly turned Ant-Man from the lightest MCU franchise into one of the darker ones. At least Doctor Strange was about a relative loner who taught himself to be the Sorcerer Supreme. A franchise that very much dabbles in the whole “everything, including space and time, is relative” thing is going to have to work hard not to confront the flexibility of the “new” status quo, but I digress.

More problematic is Black Panther, which will have to deal with Wakanda’s relatively new (Infinity War takes place two years after the first Black Panther) king being presumed dead for five years. Who ruled in his absence? Will he just sit on the throne again like nothing happened? T’Challa pledge to let the world see the real Wakanda is of little concern after the events of Infinity War and Endgame.


To be fair, there is a long history of comic book cross-over events screwing up the long-form narratives of the individual titles. If I had a nickel for every time some Batman cross-over in the 1990s through 2000s essentially undid the long-form arcs of the respective Batman titles, I’d have several nickels. But the end result of the Avengers' solution leaves the MCU as a much darker and grimmer place as a result of how they choose to "solve" the Infinity War cliffhanger.


One solution is to, like Black Widow (allegedly), set some of these new movies within that two-year “from Civil War to Infinity War” gap. That would still allow relative forward progression without having to be overwhelmed and overshadowed by the events of the Russo Bros.’ big two-part finale. If we’re being honest, Marvel can treat the five-year gap the same way The Simpsons dealt with the revelations of Principal Skinner’s true identity back in the day.


Now, I’m reasonably sure that Kevin Feige and friends had a conversation or two about these issues before the final cut of Avengers: Endgame was delivered to theaters. If I’m being optimistic, I could argue that the shattering new status quo is less of a fatal roadblock and more either an acknowledgment that not everything goes back to normal after a grand tragedy (just as Thor doesn't magically get his formally ripped body back) and a self-appointed challenge. Hey, if Creed II can make a good movie out of the whole “Adonis fights Drago’s son!” plot, then hope springs eternal.


But there is a rich irony in Endgame “ending” the MCU in a way that paints Tony Stark as one of history’s greatest heroes and greatest villains. The man who began the journey as the selfish “merchant of death” was willing to (again) make the suicide play but unwilling to trade lives.


Except, from the first Iron Man (where risks his own death to fry Obadiah Stane) to the last Avengers, Tony has only pretended to be unwilling to make the sacrifice play. Since then, he’s flown a missile into deep space, followed an alien spaceship into parts unknown, been driven to create a genocidal robot over fears of his fellow Avengers perishing while he lived and finally killed the bad guys at the cost of his own life.


Iron Man was (understandably?) unwilling to give up his daughter being born so that the world could be correctly saved. As always, in attempting to be Earth’s mightiest hero, Tony became its greatest villain. As such, the first MCU story ended with the Avengers breaking the universe twice.
 

LiddyRules

She Is Not My BFF. She Is Not.
I actually think she’s right about the name being outdated. Is it a big deal? No. But could they come up with something else? Why not? X-Force? X-Factor? X-Corps?
X-Snowflakes?

X-Tremes?

X-Tones?
 

LiddyRules

She Is Not My BFF. She Is Not.
No, liddy. There is a place in the middle. A place where you can see a serious issue creeping into our society and refuse to ignore it.

What's next? Should we change Star Wars to Star Conflicts because the word "war" promotes violence.

I know, lets call He-Man "Person-Person". Have to fight that patriarchy, you know.

Maybe you should ask the hundreds of conservative youtubers that just got banned or demonetized if this shit is an issue?

This isn't "outrage". Outrage is for faggots. This is justified anger.

And if the thought of this numb cunt forcing them to not use the name "X-men" because she somehow thinks a gender neutral term is now sexist doesn't make you angry, then YOU are the one with the issue.

So either say something constructive on the issue or shut the fuck up.

You can now go back to making fun of this abortion of a movie.
"Justified" anger is the middle? What's the extreme? Murder?
 

LiddyRules

She Is Not My BFF. She Is Not.
"Your emotions make you weak."
"No. My emotions make me strong."

Think that sums it up.

Oops. Spoilers.
 

LiddyRules

She Is Not My BFF. She Is Not.
This was the Jai Courtney Die Hard of the X-Men movies. It was much worse than Last Stand. Sansa gives it her all, but no one else seems to want to do anything. It's so devoid of content, there isn't much to say about it. It's like upon learning that they were bought by Disney, instead of going all out with it, they pulled way back. There isn't even any 90s music.
 

ruckstande

Posts mostly from the shitter.
Donator
This guy is weird, but I did get a decent laugh about :45 seconds in.

I hate vlogs that are just a collection of cuts and not just a running speech. Why does every sentence have to be trimmed?
 

BIV

I'm Biv Dick Black, the Over Poster.
This was the Jai Courtney Die Hard of the X-Men movies. It was much worse than Last Stand. Sansa gives it her all, but no one else seems to want to do anything. It's so devoid of content, there isn't much to say about it. It's like upon learning that they were bought by Disney, instead of going all out with it, they pulled way back. There isn't even any 90s music.
Ouch.

Thank you for watching this monstrosity so the rest of us don't have to....until HitW.
 

Pigdango

Silence, you mortal Fuck!
Donator
Dark Phoenix made just $5 million from last night’s previews. That puts its opening weekend below $40 million for sure.
 

SOS

Is alive.
Wackbag Staff
Game of Thrones less than spectacular ending and journalists trolling through Sophie Turner 's politics hurt the enthusiasm for this movie.
 

Bill Lehecka

Whiny Man Baby
Donator
Game of Thrones less than spectacular ending and journalists trolling through Sophie Turner 's politics hurt the enthusiasm for this movie.
Yet Sophie Turner admitted to making out with Maisie Williams, so who are the real winners here?
 

Pigdango

Silence, you mortal Fuck!
Donator
Game of Thrones less than spectacular ending and journalists trolling through Sophie Turner 's politics hurt the enthusiasm for this movie.
Neither of those things had anything to do with this movie’s box office.
 

HandPanzer

Shantih Shantih Shantih
Yet Sophie Turner admitted to making out with Maisie Williams, so who are the real winners here?
Pics or it didn't happen.

Neither of those things had anything to do with this movie’s box office.
Agree.

Making a genuinely good movie will overcome politics anyway. Honestly, I think most people probably got a laugh out of Turner saying she'll refuse to work in Georgia if the abortion bill passes despite working in Northern Ireland for so long in complete silence.
 

LiddyRules

She Is Not My BFF. She Is Not.
Ouch.

Thank you for watching this monstrosity so the rest of us don't have to....until HitW.
I think it will make an okay HiTW. It's a full half hour shorter than Apocalypse, so the length won't be an issue, and while repetitive (you can play a drinking game with the amount of times Sansa says "I don't know what's going on! I don't know what's happening to me!") there's enough stupidity to make fun of.

This movie has: "Your readings are off the chart, I've never seen anything like this, and we don't know how that sunstorm affected you. But other than that, you're good to go. Have fun at the party." You think I'm joking. That's not a joke.

A 30 second cameo by Dazzler is the best thing in it. That's not a joke either.

And they don't use the X-Men theme for some reason. The final movie in a 20 year saga, and they don't use the theme at all.
 

LiddyRules

She Is Not My BFF. She Is Not.
Game of Thrones less than spectacular ending and journalists trolling through Sophie Turner 's politics hurt the enthusiasm for this movie.
I had no idea about Sophie Turner's politics. I think it's safe to say there's a 98% chance I would have never found out her thoughts on Georgia considering how the only thing I know about her outside of two roles is that at one point she drunkenly made out with a Tyrion head.

Regardless, based on this new information, please let me know how to alter my opinion on Dark Phoenix to better suit your narrative.
 

crippledalbino

The God of 42nd Street
Donator
I had no idea about Sophie Turner's politics. I think it's safe to say there's a 98% chance I would have never found out her thoughts on Georgia considering how the only thing I know about her outside of two roles is that at one point she drunkenly made out with a Tyrion head.

Regardless, based on this new information, please let me know how to alter my opinion on Dark Phoenix to better suit your narrative.
If it already sucks, you have no choice but to somehow go full circle and start liking the movie.
 
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