You Boys Like MEEEEXXXXIIIIICOOOO???

Motor Head

HIGHWAY TRASH REMOVAL
Jan 23, 2006
10,385
419
243
Land of hicks and rubes.
#1
First, these are from my notes. The internetz in good ol' Mexico aren't all that great so I pretty much stuck to Twitter and only tossed out an occasional brain fart.

Day 1 - We arrived at the airport to catch a flight to Charlotte NC where we would meet our connecting flight to Cancun. Right away, I was already getting pissed standing in line waiting for what I'm sure would be sheboonanigans from the TSA people. I was on my best behavior and did what I was told. I followed the procedure and went through the scanner and collected my keys, wallet and of course my badge and ID. It went off without a hitch other then Sheniqua Boonifa Jones giving me attitude when she saw that I was a LEO. The wife and I flew first class so it was champagne wishes and caviar dreams for us, while Emma and Ben sat with the peasants in steerage.

We get to Charlotte, nice airport. Not enough time to see anything so I just sit and read my Guns And Ammo magazine and enjoy the looks of disapproval on some of my fellow passengers faces. We fly out of Charlotte and my wife and I sit enjoying our flight and free drinks when what do I see? A peasant trying to use our first class bathroom?? The outrage of this woman sitting her unwashed mongrel butt on the very same seat that my dear wife might be planting her ass to take a gut wrenching caviar dump....this will not do! The flight attendant cuts off this peasant and reminds her that she has to go shit in the outhouse in the back of the plane. Whew, that was close!

We arrived at the aeropurto in Cancun and were greeted by the usual cast of characters. We were met by a charming well dressed fellow that spoke very good English and we were whisked away to Playa Del Carmen. Upon arriving at our all inclusive resort we were greeted by a bevy of people that where vying for the opportunity to kiss my Irish ass. We checked in. While we waited for them to get our bags to our rooms we visited the VIP lounge and drinks and hor'dourves awaited us.

Our rooms were ready and after a long day of flying I was ready for some quiet time with the drink dispenser in my room. Yes, they have four bottles of premium booze in this drink dispenser along with an entire cupboard full of mixers, soda, juices and everything to make your liver abusing vacation as fun as possible. But wait.....no Jack Daniels?? That will not do! I phone up room services and voiced my displeasure over the lack of JD in my room. 4 minutes later there is a knock at my door and they replaced that horrible bottle of gin in the dispenser with JD. I told them to please keep the Jose Cuervo and JD stocked daily. "Jees, Senor Motorhead I will check it every day for juw". I put on my bathing suit and my little flip flops and made a monster drink and went out to the pool. There sits Ben and Emma both with ice cold Coronas in hand enjoying the pool. Ben awkwardly calls me "dad". A thought of cleaning the bottom of the pool with his head comes to mind, but I just smile, take a sip of my Jack and Coke and finally realize that I'm on vacation.

Later that night, I got a little hungry and ordered a snack from room service. They deliver it, but you don't even have to open your door. They put it into this built in box that you can open from the wall in your room, keeping you from even having to interact with whoever brought it. They deliver it, flip a switch and you are alerted that whatever you wanted has been delivered. Nitey nite!

Day 2
to be continued...
 
Dec 8, 2004
49,314
21,218
693
Maine
#4
Dude the TSA hmm hmmm's get upidty with my chicks federal badge....
 

Motor Head

HIGHWAY TRASH REMOVAL
Jan 23, 2006
10,385
419
243
Land of hicks and rubes.
#6
Sooooo...just one queen size bed in the hipster room or two doubles? "whaa"
One great big king sized bed....now you mind your own business, mister. My wife told me that they had placed a hold on sexy time until they were married. Yes, I pretended to buy it. On day 3 I will discuss my need for ear bleach and how I may have been technically guilty of attempted murder via alcohol poisoning.
 

fletcher

Darkness always says hello.
Donator
Feb 20, 2006
59,523
19,737
513
jersey
#7
One great big king sized bed....now you mind your own business, mister. My wife told me that they had placed a hold on sexy time until they were married. Yes, I pretended to buy it. On day 3 I will discuss my need for ear bleach and how I may have been technically guilty of attempted murder via alcohol poisoning.
Did it sound like a women's tennis match? Cause that would be hot.
 

weeniewawa

it's a man, baby!!!
May 21, 2005
12,076
1,267
593
Hell,California
#11
my buddy and his wife went down there and he himself NEVER goes anywhere, the wife and kids go to disneyline a few times a year.

He was advised to stay inside the DMZ zone, behind the walls but he had to go interact with the local savages and almost got kidnapped.
 

Motor Head

HIGHWAY TRASH REMOVAL
Jan 23, 2006
10,385
419
243
Land of hicks and rubes.
#13
Day 2 - Me droogies.

My wife had gotten up early and went to breakfast at one of the several restaurants at the resort. She bumped into another American woman from Iowa. My wife, being from Iowa went into a cackle fest with this woman. Turns out the woman is married to an Iowa State Trooper and they live near Iowa City. My wife who craves human contact because I'm normally shun all living human beings when I'm not working has a new BFF. The spend the morning together. I ordered room service, and did my morning routine, and wandered out to the pool. My wife finds me sipping orange juice and nursing a wicked hangover. She tells me about her new bestie and how funny it is that her new friends husband is a cop and blah blah blah....kill me. I agreed that we would meet for dinner at the Asian joint at the resort and sit down to some Sweet and Sour Menudo and some Egg Fu Burrito with "our new vacation friends".

Emma and Ben want to go para-sailing so I skin $100 out of my wallet, hoping that Ben has a chute failure and falls into the awaiting jaws of a 1000 bull sharks. Finally some peace. It's a great big pool and most people spend the day at the beach during the day. So I get a floaty thing and drift off into twilight sleep on the shaded side of the pool. Ahhh, vacation. I fall asleep and just as I start to dream.....honey....honey.....HONEY! There is my wife with an entire group of people at the edge of the pool. Okay, I had only planned on digging one grave on this trip but it's starting to look like it's going to be two. My wife smiling "this is blah blah blah and his wife, and this is blah blah blah and his wife" this goes on for awhile. My wife found out that her new BFF had run into the wives of three Baltimore PD along with two blokes from London Metro. Oh boy, this is going to be a hoot.

We had a huge dinner later that night. The two guys from London were partners. Ian and Graham. The Baltimore guys were a little more clicked up with each other. They were friendly with us, but only went drinking a couple times. The Iowa guy, Jeff was all in to hang with Ian, Graham and I. So later that night we were all drinking and I was treated to a what can only be the 8th wonder of the world when it comes to watching Ian and Graham drink. We spent the evening on the beach. The hens cackling away. Ben and Emma got the shit sunburned out of them and I snickered to my wife "that outta keep them off each other for a couple days". Jeff's wife heard me and of course announced to the group that my kid was getting married on Friday. We now had a "guest list".

I hadn't mentioned before that Ben's parents had met us down there along with his two brothers and their girlfriends. Mostly because there wasn't much to mention. We met them for lunch and Ben's mother who is a total lefty - looked at me like a was a total and complete Nazi. His dad was a henpecked corporate shill. We made small talk and after lunch we walked back to our room. My wife does not like these people. She called them snobs. Me, fuck them. I got me droogies to go drink with.

Day 3 - I need ear bleach, a shovel, and a bag of lime. I might have to hire a local because the number of holes that I need to dig has grown.....
 

Motor Head

HIGHWAY TRASH REMOVAL
Jan 23, 2006
10,385
419
243
Land of hicks and rubes.
#14
I wouldn't be caught dead in that third world murder fest.
Naaahh. Playa Del Carmen is safe for tourist. The cops have machine guns and fucking with the tourists is not tolerated. They also have private security that take you into town if we need anything or want to do touristy things. I had no interest in ziplining, or riding ATV's into a steaming jungle filled with spiders and monkeys.
 

Ballbuster1

In The Danger Zone...
Wackbag Staff
Aug 26, 2002
103,485
16,807
919
Your house, behind the couch
#17
Naaahh. Playa Del Carmen is safe for tourist. The cops have machine guns and fucking with the tourists is not tolerated. They also have private security that take you into town if we need anything or want to do touristy things. I had no interest in ziplining, or riding ATV's into a steaming jungle filled with spiders and monkeys.
And that's why I go to the Florida Keys every spring.
None of that is necessary, ever.
 

whiskeyguy

PR representative for Drunk Whiskeyguy.
Donator
Jan 12, 2010
36,495
22,147
398
Northern California
#19
Holy shit, you cops make too much fucking money if every one of you is vacationing in Mexico.:action-sm
 

Sinn Fein

Infidel and White Interloper
Wackbag Staff
Aug 29, 2002
31,550
2,207
898
Florida's Nature Coast
#20
This tale cracks me up especially because my daughter is engaged to a guy named Ben.
 

rockpup

Sick Puppy
Jun 2, 2005
3,089
941
678
Souf Florida
#25
too drunk to read long posts. Might give a shit later. Will keep you updated