Your Anthony-like assholery on the road

Nov 5, 2002
1,635
0
0
Washington D.C.
#1
What's your favorite thing to do to get ahead in traffic when it's physically possible but maybe not legal?

I refuse to wait in a long line of cars at a light. Especially when it's a 1 or 2 lane road backed up forever. So I use the turning lane to get to the front of the line. The light turns green, I gun it, get back into the proper lane ahead of the long train of cars, and whammo, 20 minutes is shaved off my trip.
 

Chino Kapone

Yo, whats wrong wit da beer we got?
Jun 10, 2005
16,959
2,196
608
#2
What's your favorite thing to do to get ahead in traffic when it's physically possible but maybe not legal?

I refuse to wait in a long line of cars at a light. Especially when it's a 1 or 2 lane road backed up forever. So I use the turning lane to get to the front of the line. The light turns green, I gun it, get back into the proper lane ahead of the long train of cars, and whammo, 20 minutes is shaved off my trip.
not a bad idea, but i would cut an asshole like that off and wouldnt let them in if i could. or i would follow suit.
 

Juanfartez

Was a POW gone to POT
Aug 24, 2002
862
0
376
New Braunfels TX
#4
I just sit in my Kenworth and watch you assholes do stupid shit to each other and catch up to you at the next light.
 

d0uche_n0zzle

**Negative_Creep**
Sep 15, 2004
46,806
6,920
763
F.U.B.A.R
#5
Too old to even bother, unless you almost crash into me. Then it's PTSD time. :mad4:
 

Deadbent

You can go fuck.
Aug 19, 2005
13,047
3
443
Chicago, IL. Southside, stupid.
#6
Oh I haaate drivers.

if I'm stuck behind someone driving like an asshole, with nowhere to escape...I might:

a) throw the highbeams on. Usually riding them closely. Hopefully at precise distance to entirely engulf their every mirror.

b) Just keep my horn depressed for an ungodly time until they move or decide what to do. (especially if someone has an apparent decision to make that benefits themselves and the miles of traffic behind them... and they're NOT making the decision to move, or go around something they have the space to make it through, or squeeze by)
Also at a light that changes and they don't move. Those bitches will get the long horn, too.
Pedestrians that fuck up the flow of traffic get it also.
The horn and the oscillating-neck stare. and any of the following :

c) if theyre close enough to hear me, and have their window open, I'll actually tell them what to do.
"Yea, stupid, you in the brown car in front of me. Look to your left, throw your signal, and go around the fucking jacknifed truck."
"Move your piece of shit, stupid nigg... fuck martin luther king.", etc.etc.

d) actually throw garbage, chewed gum, a cigarette butt, or whatever else is within arms reach at their car or person while doing any of the above.

If they happen to pull next to me and don't have their window open...I beep til I have their attention and carefully and accurately as possible, Point, stare, and mouth out, slowly pronouncing easily lip-readable words to them.
"Fuck you, you stuu-pid fuck-ing bitch." Seems to work well.
as well as "Stupid Nig-ger".

Remember : Stay away from multiple syllables, the people you're saying this to are dumb to begin with. Keep it simple.

If someone is tailing or beeping me in an unacceptable way... they have to be crazy. Crazy or drunk.
I don't drive like I forgot how to get where I'm going, so I don't expect anyone to have a need for being upset behind me, next to me, etc. If anything... I'd like having me in front of me while driving. They should too.

It really pisses me off if someone tries to get upset with something I'm doing (or perceived as not doing).


Having a few insuranceless immigrants hit me or bump into me before...
I've jumped out of the car, yelling, reaching into their car, slapping their hands away, grabbing their keys, and roofing them.
Fuck that. Go look for your keys on that roof or down that sewer.

I haaate drivers.
 

The Godfather

Spark it up for The Godfather and say!!!!!
May 9, 2007
11,256
10
163
#7
I once screamed at a grandpa. I told him to eat his mother's cunt. I felt very bad about it :/
 

d00mz

Registered User
Feb 28, 2005
202
0
0
#8
What's your favorite thing to do to get ahead in traffic when it's physically possible but maybe not legal?

I refuse to wait in a long line of cars at a light. Especially when it's a 1 or 2 lane road backed up forever. So I use the turning lane to get to the front of the line. The light turns green, I gun it, get back into the proper lane ahead of the long train of cars, and whammo, 20 minutes is shaved off my trip.
I cut fuckers like you off, and run you down embankments and stuff.
 

Ciarin

Loves her Mini Cooper
Oct 15, 2007
872
0
0
Lynn, MA
#9
If people are walking in front of my car, I don't stop. I just go around them. I've never "bumped" anyone, hehe.

If it's a long wait at the traffic light and I'm in a hurry, then I'll take advantage of my little car's maneuverability and go up the shoulder or the turning lane, hehe.

And I don't give a flying fuck if some irate guy is behind me, with high beams or honking the horn, or tailgating(probably cause I cut him off or I'm too slow). In fact, that'll just make me go slower and if he tries to pass me, I speed up, HAHA FUCKER.

I drive in Boston btw, so fuck Boston drivers, they suck.
 

Nortonsmeatytit

"That ball is outta here"
Sep 11, 2005
1,023
0
0
Philly
#11
b) Just keep my horn depressed for an ungodly time until they move or decide what to do.
Saw a contractor in a dump truck do this to some rich cunt the other day while she's going 25 in a 35 during rush hour on a side road w/a cell phone plastered to her ear the entire time. Guy laid on the horn for what must've been 5 mins or 5 miles. The hole just slowed down even more because she was so scared/pissed or just a hole and didn't even manage to hang up on the fuckin cell phone. Fuckin ritch holes.
 

unklewilly

Registered User
Nov 13, 2006
1,355
62
398
#12
It never fails when I am driving into Oregon, some fucking douche will pass me then slow back down to 55. Now I have to pass him and they either speed up and leave my ass hanging in the breeze or they will leap frog me again and we repeat till I get to my terminal...Goddamn I hate you Oregon assholes.
 

Turfmower

Registered User
Jan 17, 2005
3,989
486
578
Jersey
#13
I hate the people that cut you off to pull in to traffic then proceed to do 20 mph. I know you have to cut me off to get in to traffic everyone does it here or you would be waiting two weeks to pull out just put your fucking gas peddle to the floor.
 
Dec 25, 2005
10,005
172
513
NJ
#14
I'm pretty calm unless you actually try & fuck with me, but I'm no pushover. I've driven on sidewalks in NYC before, 'shut the door' on plenty of people that nose in... etc.

Thing is, I've been through several car accidents & walked away from half of them. I'm not afraid to hit you, & I know what's gonna happen if I do. I'm sickly tactical like that.
 

Ballbuster1

In The Danger Zone...
Wackbag Staff
Aug 26, 2002
103,513
16,825
919
Your house, behind the couch
#15
As soon as I can I bolt to the right at an entrance ramp and then merge up the road
like I was just getting on. Gets me a few cars ahead every time.
 

krisko

Mrs. Fuckin Funny
Jul 29, 2005
28,300
1
191
Cupcake Capital, USA
#17
I tend just to yell at anyone who gets in my way. It works out pretty well because generally men don't beat up women, and if they're driving like cunts they deserve to be yelled at anyways. The only people I won't yell at are black women (they're scary) My favorite movie is the horn honk + middle finger + racial epithet. I think this is the road rage trifecta and I've turned it into an art form. If the stupid driver happens to be a white male I just attack his sexuality...this works well also.
 

BOUGHTONII

Registered User
Aug 10, 2001
1,242
1
658
long island
#18
make fun of those competitors on the road for they have no life or soul

look into their eyes
 

GoCamels

Hark the sound of Tar Heel voices...
Aug 19, 2005
1,396
0
0
Graveyard Of The Atlantic
#20
Less problems would exist with merging lanes if fucko's could figure out what a ZIPPER MERGE is.

I do like to yell DWB and DWBW at the nitters when they piss me off...the kids haven't figured it out yet, but they are getting wise to it...won't be long that I can bring back the good ol' NIT-TER to the vocabulary...once they figure out when its appropriate, and when it's not (which in this day and age is pretty much NEVER!!!)
 

CaraC

A real giirrrrllllllllllllllllll
Jun 1, 2005
867
0
226
MA
#21
I have a little car so I take advantage of its manueverability at all times, and I get in the fastest lane (sometimes turning lane) to cut off lines of traffic... but my assholery comes out more when people try to fuck with me... I will NOT let people in when they are trying to cut ME off (even though I cut people off all the time) and if someone like Deadbent is behind me and pissed off about my driving, I WILL slow down and then speed up if they try to pass me... and... if they throw the highbeams on, I put my rearview mirror in daytime position and shine it right in the drivers eyes.... this HAS caused an angry driver to get out of his car and kick mine at the next red light, but the fact that I drove away while the ass was out of his car probably pissed him off even more...
:)
 

mik3

fornicating madly
Mar 29, 2004
3,012
0
0
732 Jersey
#22
I'm five miles over the speed limit middle lane guy. Respect that, if people don't then I tend to curse a lot or throw change at you.
 

kidconnor

55gallon hog
Mar 16, 2005
5,371
1,144
678
brooklyn
#23
As soon as I can I bolt to the right at an entrance ramp and then merge up the road
like I was just getting on. Gets me a few cars ahead every time.
So YOUR the guy that does that? Well I"M the guy that sits half in the right lane and half in the merging lane. You might have passed 5 cars but you aint getting ahead of me. If I have to wait then so do you. It's happened to me too many times in the past, so as I sit in traffic, I watch my passenger side mirror for it.

Actually, I am usually the nice guy while driving, letting people in and stuff, UNTIL the a-hole comes along and that guy doesn't get in.

I have 2 cars, an accord and an old bronco. Its amazing how many people cut in front of me/won't let em cut in front of them in the accord. Totally different story in the bronco.
 

Hey_Asshole

Man, Beer, Wild
Feb 21, 2007
3,482
0
0
TRueWDT
#25
I had some dumb blond run a stop sign, causing me to slam on the brakes, then 200 feet up the road she changes into the slow lane as im trying to pass her, so I get back over to the passing lane and she does the same thing. We both turn onto the ramp to get onto 309 and I am right on her ass yelling and screaming like an idiot. At the bottom of the ramp instead of merging onto the highway, she stops dead...there was no traffic coming. Finally she goes, and I jump right into the passing lane to get around her. This bitch wouldn't let me pass her, we got up to 80 mph so I backed down and pulled into the slow lane behind her and rode her ass. I knew for a fact that a cop always, always, always hides on the next ramp at this time of day. About a quarter mile before the ramp I went to pass her again. She sped right back up to 80mph again and right before the underpass, I downshifted and jumped in behind her and slowed down to 60, just as she blows by the cop doing 80. As expected, here comes the cop flying up behind me, passes me and pulls her over. I have never been so happy in my life.